Something Unexpected

Something Unexpected has happened. I perhaps should have considered it as a likely possibility. Nevertheless, it is upon me. We move in 3 weeks. I have a pretty long to do list. I don't really feel like doing any of it. Two months ago I was very motivated. That was good. In that motivated time frame I did nearly all of the filing, shredding, organizing and giving away of all toys, clothes and extra odds and ends. We have already shipped the car. I have made my way slowly down my long list of "need to buy that before we move". (Istanbul, is ripe with good shopping you see) Only a few things left. Great news indeed. Ronan is officially done with preschool for the year, and we are done with Porter's end of year party. Somehow in my mind, I was feeling like we still had so much that was happening before we were moving, so it was still a long way off. Well. Those things are getting checked off the list. I am very truly nearing the time of, "all there is left to do now is get ready to go!" Boys done with school, the big farewell event at the CGR for everyone leaving this summer, Miles' Birthday Party, our last Bosphorus cruise, bought a couple more Turkish rugs…done. So, I guess I'm not really sure what I'm feeling. I would think I would be more motivated than ever to get the rest of my to do list done. I'm not. I have no clear reason why? I am very glad that most of the organizing and filing is mostly done. I suppose that that was the "fun" part in my mind? Now, I just must be putting of the "chore" part. Things like changing addresses and forwarding the mail, etc. We do have all the boys checkups (to get forms filled out for school in VA, and some tuberculosis screenings) coming up though. Fun stuff! So yes, unexpected number one-I thought I would be more motivated right now by excitement to go home. I am really excited to go home. I can't wait to see our friends and family. I can't wait to drink American milk. I can't wait to eat at my favorite restaurants. I can't wait to do all my favorite American things (go to Target). I can't wait to get back to D.C. (I love D.C.) I can't wait to take the boys to some MLB Baseball games this fall. Yet, I can wait…Enter, unexpected number two. This last week proved to be the beginning of our real goodbyes. I was never one who lived in the same house her whole life, etc. I wasn't exactly moving everywhere either- yet, I have lived and said goodbye to friends and loved ones in 4 different states, and multiple cities in one of those states. It's not been terrific, but not too terrible. I knew entering this lifestyle that we would have to move multiple times. No problem. I was/ am totally ok with that. I think the difference between all those times and this time is that even if we haven't been perfect at staying in touch, there is always the POSSIBILITY that we will get to meet up again somewhere down the road. This time, (once again I should have anticipated this) I am having a harder time knowing that I will in all reality never see these people ever again. And I'm not talking about FSO friends, or church friends here. They are the easy ones to say goodbye too. Luckily for us, all roads lead to Washington D.C. and Utah in our case. Paths will cross again, and vacations will be scheduled to visit other fun destinations where our pals are posted. People like the boys teachers, and the parents of their friends from school. Porter has had some especially lovely classmates with equally as lovely parents! Ronan's amazing speech therapist-who has put so much time, attention, and love into our little guy. The amazing and wonderfully sweet local staff that have worked with Noah at the Consulate here. Who knows if our paths will ever meet again? So this much, makes me sad. I also missed the boat in realizing how sad I would be for my kids. Porter's teacher talked to us on Friday at his class party. He knows/and has known for a very long time what was going to happen. He also knows that multiple of his friends are moving on as well. He knows that even if we were to stay, that they won't all be here next year too, so it is ok. Yet, he's like me. He makes friends easily, and really thrives on their presence in his life. His teacher let us know that she can tell that he is "tensing up" a bit this last week. He is trying so hard to be brave and play it cool, yet he is also trying even harder to hold on to every last second of his wonderful memories of school and friends here. Breaks my heart for his little heart. He will miss them all so much. He's also like me though, in that he will do fine. He will bounce back, and he will make new friends in a snap wherever we go. Definitely not anything to stop us from thoroughly enjoying and loving this lifestyle that we have chosen for our family, just something to stop and pause for a second I suppose. Pause just to appreciate the opportunity we've had to get to know and love some pretty terrific people here. Pause and appreciate the amazing places we've seen and things we've done as well. We have had such a fantastic experience. We couldn't have asked for a better first post. So, yes. Maybe that's what I'm feeling? Maybe, I am just feeling like I need to take a pause the last couple of days. Let the reality sink in, and just let it be. Reflect and enjoy what we can, and then really jump into "getting our move on". Who knows if anyone is still reading this post. If you are, good for you! You are tough for wading through this long, rambling, and disjointed post. Sometimes I just need to lay it out there. Just for me. I know of course, that I am far from the first Foreign Service gal to feel these feelings. And yes, I of course should have fully expected them the entire time. I am really so excited for the future, and I actually do love changing things up every now and again-which is why I love this choice we've made. I love that we get to go and explore and live somewhere new and exciting every few years! I think now though, after doing it once I will just be better prepared for a "new kind of leaving".  Moving around the country is one thing, moving around the world is entirely different. I can and will do both gladly. I just had to get my first taste of what the latter is really like, and now I can be better prepared for it next time. Aside from the people, I'm going to miss our home. It has fit us so well. We love it here. The rooms are filled with good memories and familiar faces. This is the only home Ronan really knows, and the home where we spent Miles' first year of life with him. I love that it feels so much like my home. That is a good feeling of time well spent here in Turkey. So, I'll give myself till tomorrow to just sit and enjoy our last little bit of time at "home". Then I'll get my patootie in gear and finish moving us to our next home, with an equal amount of excitement and effort. To paraphrase, we can't wait to leave, but we will definitely enjoy every last day we get to have here. America here we come!